2 posts tagged “valentine's day”

how can i be so lame?  

i came back from MAGIC las vegas yesterday afternoon, V-Day, really looking forward to seeing roses on the kitchen table from my honey in the uk.  I walked in the house, took a quick look around and saw nothing.  no card, no flowers, no chocolates, nothing.

no problem.

i talked to my honey on the phone and he's ecstatic having just received his big furry monkey, super-sized heart-shaped box of chocolates along with a card express mailed to arrive just in time for valentine’s day.  cliche, i know, but cute nonetheless as it's what we used to give and get as gifts back in grade school.  i thought it would be nice for him to get something in mail to let him know i was thinking of him, even on the other side of the planet.  

i guess i sounded a bit bummed on the telephone (but i didn’t want to let on) about not having received anything for vday -- he probably picked up on it and asked me if i had gotten anything red.  my heart suddenly revived itself from the pitfalls of selfpity and i thought, ye-ay!  he hadn’t forgotten about me!  :)

at least right now i do.

i thought for sure he sent red roses to his lovely american fiancee on valentine’s day and there must have been some mix up that i have not received it yet.  that’s okay.  it was only about 4 in the afternoon -- perhaps the flower delivery guy was swamped and will not deliver it until a bit later.  but HE HASN’T FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME!   

so i rested assured that my flowers would be sitting at home once i got back from the gym and off i skipped to go tread-mill it for an hour.

i came home, nothing.

that’s okay, vday usually means nightmarish delivery routes for those delivery guys anyway -- maybe it’ll show up tomorrow.

well, nothing came today either...and i found out, that he hadn’t sent any flowers.  i felt like such a donkey.  i was sad.  i was in tears and still am in tears...and dammit, it ain’t about the flowers either.

i can’t help thinking, if i can make an effort to make this stupid holiday just a tad bit sweeter for you, why couldn’t you have done the same?  i knew i couldn’t make it back to the uk in time, so i made sure to do something special for him anyway.   i just feel super lame.  i keep using the stupid word, lame.  i feel LAME.  it’s not about the lack of cards, lack of flowers, lack of anything...it’s about EFFORT.  i’m hurt because i feel as if he did not make the EFFORT.  of course his response? he was busy, there’s a lot going on...he’s sorry.  
 
and it doesn’t help that my mother and my gf’s keep asking whether or not my new british fiancee sent me flowers for our first vday together either.

no, he did not.

i can’t believe this is making me so sad. it's not about feeling entitled to receive any gift for valentine's day...it's simply about caring enough about the other person to make the effort, even if you think it's lame.
 
ggodness.  i feel like such a chick.

insomnia sucks.