grace happens. well, sometimes...

this was good.

enjoy folks.

banksy.

to newfound un-engaged single-dom.

i guess not all fairytale beginnings end with happily ever after.

i sure as heck gave it my all...

and i still believe in the fairytale...

and the happily ever after.

the real question now is...what the hell do i do now?  stay in london?  move back to los angeles?

no one ever said life was supposed to be easy...but heck, no one ever said life was supposed to be this difficult either.

ever watch garden state?

fab.

i'm back in london.

and strangely, it feels like home now.

...

i'm really content.

What makes a good President of the United States?

oprah winfrey.  she's the perfect combo of clinton and obama.

in relationships, we spend much of our time afraid to ask for what we really want...the very things that would make our hearts flutter and sing. perhaps we are afraid that by communicating it, we will be ridiculed and laughed at and ultimately made to feel 2 inches tall. 

when we do find the courage, hands outstretched cradling our hearts in our hands, we hope and pray that the other will treat it with compassion, empathy, love, and tenderness...which in turn builds the trust we all seek in our relationships.  the trust...the strength...the bond...what i call, the gel.

and when the handle with care banner that we've wrapped our hearts up in gets stripped, torn off insensitively?

we yelp in pain -- sometimes publicly, often privately.

i remember when i went through my first breakup...oh lord, the drama, the pain, the hurt...it never seemed like it would go away.  but inevitably, it did -- and i started again, eyes wide open this time, and went for it...it once again. 

time certainly seems to heal all.  some taking a bit longer than others...knowing this one truth -- and i know this may sound momentarily uh...sadistic -- knowing this one truth that time does heal all, LIBERATES me.  i take solace in feeling my pains, my hurt, nursing my broken heart...but feeling free.  alive.  ironic innit?  if you look back to pains in the past that you have experienced, pains that you thought would be the utter end of you, pains that you thought would never dissipate -- and it did -- doesn't it add an element of courage and trust that this current hurt, discomfort of the heart, will also evaporate with time as well?

how many of us know of someone in our lives who have been so weathered by life and are now stoic in response, mechanic in emotion? 

i certainly do. 

knowing this and knowing them, i often, in my now adult years, laugh as i cry...feeling blessed that my emotions are still in tact, complex as they may be but loving the fact that i can still feel my entire range of emotions...feeling is living.  now, in present day, i know that i have evolved enough to not only embrace hurt, be conscious that it will pass...and can now process it enough to understand how to manage it. 

...and there's a lesson buried deep in every shitty situation.  your job?  learn it.

What would you do if you had one day to live and you were still young and healthy?
Submitted by Green Tea Adelaide.

As a firm believer that men have better sex (hands down) and better orgasms (yes, i said it), i would love to live my last day as a testosterone filled young and healthy horny toad and spend my last 24 hours womanizing and humping everything in sight.  have as many big o's as humanly possible.  and masturbate.  play with my newfound gadget.  the only thing is, i don't know if i can get used to those two t-bags hanging between my legs. 

how can i be so lame?  

i came back from MAGIC las vegas yesterday afternoon, V-Day, really looking forward to seeing roses on the kitchen table from my honey in the uk.  I walked in the house, took a quick look around and saw nothing.  no card, no flowers, no chocolates, nothing.

no problem.

i talked to my honey on the phone and he's ecstatic having just received his big furry monkey, super-sized heart-shaped box of chocolates along with a card express mailed to arrive just in time for valentine’s day.  cliche, i know, but cute nonetheless as it's what we used to give and get as gifts back in grade school.  i thought it would be nice for him to get something in mail to let him know i was thinking of him, even on the other side of the planet.  

i guess i sounded a bit bummed on the telephone (but i didn’t want to let on) about not having received anything for vday -- he probably picked up on it and asked me if i had gotten anything red.  my heart suddenly revived itself from the pitfalls of selfpity and i thought, ye-ay!  he hadn’t forgotten about me!  :)

at least right now i do.

i thought for sure he sent red roses to his lovely american fiancee on valentine’s day and there must have been some mix up that i have not received it yet.  that’s okay.  it was only about 4 in the afternoon -- perhaps the flower delivery guy was swamped and will not deliver it until a bit later.  but HE HASN’T FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME!   

so i rested assured that my flowers would be sitting at home once i got back from the gym and off i skipped to go tread-mill it for an hour.

i came home, nothing.

that’s okay, vday usually means nightmarish delivery routes for those delivery guys anyway -- maybe it’ll show up tomorrow.

well, nothing came today either...and i found out, that he hadn’t sent any flowers.  i felt like such a donkey.  i was sad.  i was in tears and still am in tears...and dammit, it ain’t about the flowers either.

i can’t help thinking, if i can make an effort to make this stupid holiday just a tad bit sweeter for you, why couldn’t you have done the same?  i knew i couldn’t make it back to the uk in time, so i made sure to do something special for him anyway.   i just feel super lame.  i keep using the stupid word, lame.  i feel LAME.  it’s not about the lack of cards, lack of flowers, lack of anything...it’s about EFFORT.  i’m hurt because i feel as if he did not make the EFFORT.  of course his response? he was busy, there’s a lot going on...he’s sorry.  
 
and it doesn’t help that my mother and my gf’s keep asking whether or not my new british fiancee sent me flowers for our first vday together either.

no, he did not.

i can’t believe this is making me so sad. it's not about feeling entitled to receive any gift for valentine's day...it's simply about caring enough about the other person to make the effort, even if you think it's lame.
 
ggodness.  i feel like such a chick.

                                                                                          and i get this in my inbox.

Bunghole lightener

apparently, on top of the waxing, tweezing, shaving, botoxing we women indulge in, we now have lightening! not a new concept, no, however lightnening for the arse...hole?

ladies and gentleman, boys and girls!

MEET...

THE BUNGHOLE BLEACHER!!!

wtf.

"The natural product claims to give your poopshooter a fresher, more youthful look by making it blend in with your natural skin tone. (Seriously?) Here’s how it works: The gentle formula first exfoliates then naturally depigments and whitens the backdoor by reducing the activity of tyrosinase (an enzyme responsible for darkening) in the skin."

well, at least you get a nice white, or err, baby pink bunghole.

happy super tuesday folks.  go get your vote out.

i had a random thought as i was showering sticky salsa sweat off me this eve.